Inner Ramblings of Emmett Cullen
by Tanny Apple
Summary: The inner ramblings of Emmett Cullen – Emmett is given a question to which he answers in his own special way.
1. Why did the chicken cross the road?

Topical Question of the week – why did the chicken cross the road?

Now this question has an obvious answer, I mean who doesn't know the answer? Basically all the normal answers about 'to get to the other side' and ' ...' are pooey – yeah I said it, pooey! And I mean it!

The reason the original chicken crossed the road was because a vampire (namely me- hundreds of years ago) called the chicken over using my amazing charm, so he crossed the road to me! Because vampires rock! And he became my pet chicken YEY HERBERT! (that's what I christened my pet chicken) and he was my best friend, well he was until Jasper ate him – he was having a bad day, but I've never forgiven him for taking away my dearest Herbert.

So next time you hear someone ask why did the chicken cross the road you have the correct and original answer, to meet his vampire best friend Emmet.

* * *

A/N: any questions you want answering by emmet? let me know in a review

thanks for reading

tanny apple xx


	2. Why do i put up with Rosalie?

Topical Question of the week – why do I put up with Rosalie?

Well basically the answer to this is simple, as a human child I loved my dolls, I would play with them for hours on end with my two elder sisters. We would dress them up in frilly dresses, do their makeup, have tea parties with them... ahh good times.

Now Rosalie is my real life doll, porcelain skin, glossy golden hair and perfect features...my deal toy doll I treasured as a child.

So my friends that is why I put up with my dearest Rosalie! She is my personal toy doll.

* * *

A/N: I would like to thank CatlinB54 for supplying this question :D if anyone else has any questions let me know, thanks for reading, please review!

Tanny apple xxx


	3. Why am i so beautiful?

Topical Question of the week – why am I so damn beautiful?

I ask myself this 37 times a day every time I look in the mirror, and to be honest I don't have an answer! Obviously I have my theories which I have dabbled in and have decided to enlighten you in.

1- because I was the most loved child ever born, and then went on to be the most loved vampire to ever exist the almighty being whoever it is made me this amazingly attractive person to reward my love-able-ness

2- my beauty is just an extension of my amazing-ness as a whole

3- because I'm a vampire

4- because I'm funny amazing

5- because I spend 5 hours a day in the gym and 3 hours perfecting my look

So what do you think? Which of my theory's do you think is most likely?

A/N: im really sorry but fanfiction hasnt let me update how ever much i tried :/


	4. Who is my favourite Cullen?

Topical Question of the week – who is my favourite Cullen?

My favourite Cullen is, funny, strong, clever, loveable, and don't forget sexy. They always make me smile when I think about them and I can never get enough of them!.

Isn't this obvious, my favourite Cullen is of course ME!


	5. Anyone killed anymore of your pets?

Topical Question of the week - Has Jasper brutally killed any other of my beloved chickens? Or any other of my pets?

Not that I know of...though I have my suspicions.

Edward however did squish my pet spider once, I cried for 6 hours straight, I had only just taught him to do back-flips when his life was cut short God rest his soul.

Oh and then there was the time Rosalie ran over my pet squirrel, I made dad operate on him and try to save him but he never made it, the trauma was too much for him.

And there was my pet dog... I never found out what happened to dear Fluffy, I came home from school one day and Esme sat me done and told me she had gone, we didn't know where. It was a sad time for me, and Jasper still sends out nervous and guilty vibes whenever Fluffy is mentioned so I think he may know what happened to her! But he's never told me... but I've heard him talking to Alice about smell and accident, so I think he may have let him out without realising.


	6. Why do i not have your number?

Topical Question of the week - Why don't you have my number?

Well my dear the I don't actually have a phone, you see Rose broke my last one and has since banned me from owning my own phone for the next 5 years. My wife seemed to find my texting addiction rather irritating especially the texts from hot girls (obviously my Rose is way hotter than any other girl I have ever met, however she still gets very jealous which is rather a turn on if I'm honest, even if I have no interest in the other girls –which I don't).

So that is why I don't have your number but in 5 years time when I get my phone privileges back, look me up yeah?

A/N: so thank you Katie-lynxx for this question, I hope Emmett answered it to your satisfaction


	7. Why are you awesome compared to Edward?

Topical Question of the week - Why are you so awesome compared to Edward?

This is something that I am often asked, because everyone knows and admits that I am better then Edward (well everyone except Bella, but that's probably got something to do with that mental glitch in her mind). Hell even Esme as a mother who is supposed to be unbiased admits to loving me the most out of all her children! I mean that proves I'm just frecking awesome!

Anyway back to the reason of why I'm so awesome, Ive spent many a day working out the formula as to what makes me so brilliant and this is my findings as to what makes me the best, even better then the perfect Edward.

List to what makes up my awesomeness::

10% brilliant hair

25% amazing body (including killer abs)

30% humorous personality

15% dazzling smile

10% smouldering eyes

10% flirting god

So that's my theory of my awesomeness hope you enjoyed the insight into it, and Edward if your reading this at least you know how to work on becoming more awesome, maybe give me a bit of competition.

A/N: so thank you BlackRose723 for this question, I hope Emmett answered it to your satisfaction


	8. can you read?

Topical Question of the week – Can you even read?

Of course I can read! I'm over 100 years old and you think I can't read? well comics count right?

A/N: so thank you Imafeckingstarr for this question, I hope Emmett answered it to your satisfaction


	9. have you beat bella at arm wrestling?

Topical Question of the week – Have you ever managed to beat Bella at arm wrestling? Or something on the means of testing your strength?

I resent this question, everyone knows that the only reason Bella beats me is due to her being a new born! I'M STRONGER! It's just she still has human blood in her veins, don't look at me like that, I can beat her! I can! ... just as soon as she's a bit older.

So in answer to your question no I haven't beat her yet, but be aware I will. I shall have my day of victory! Mwhaha

A/N: thank you TeamComrade11 for this, I really liked this question :)


End file.
